"Do not fight the last war ... Guerilla war of the mind."
The 33 Stratgies of War
I sit alone in my four-cornered room staring at candles...
Oh, we're back?
I've neglected this thing for too long, even though I tell myself every time that I won't do it again. But like the Godfather, just when I thought I was out ... they pull me back in. It's been a while, so this post is going to pretty much going to be stream of consciousness.
Bruh ... I'm going to die some day.
I always knew that, but I'm starting to feel a real sense of urgency with things these days. Maybe it's because I want something to happen with this TV writing, comedy and taking over the world thing. Maybe it's because I turn 30 in February. Who knows. But regardless of the reason, I have a fire lit up under me to get everything that I can out of life right now.
I've had a few potential close calls a few times in my life, and more than ever I have a sense of calm about death, like it's nothing to be afraid of. You know how whether you're about to get your shots, take a test, worried about how you're going to come up wth some money, or are having anxiety over anything that you don't want to do, the buildup is always the worst part?
The end result is always relatively pain free, but you kill yourself with the stress and anxiety of the buildup. It's all a form of resistance, but when you live in the moment and control what you can control, nothing can really touch you.
My standup has really been taking off these past few months, just in terms of noticeable growth. I did a spot at The Comedy Store not long ago and felt like I really leveled up. I leveled up mainly because I'm really starting to feel comfortable in my skin onstage. I went through a stint where I was bombing left and right and I would go home like, yo... WHAT IS GOING ON?! I know I'm funny. I know these jokes work.
It's because I wasn't present. I was there, but I wasn't THERE. That's the difference between just reciting some words and telling a joke. For me, it was the difference between bombing and killing. I heard something a little while ago that changed my comedy. They said to have success onstage, your aim should not be to get laughs, it should be to GIVE laughs.
That means opening up with no bullet proof vest over your feelings and give the crowd your heart and soul without worrying about being too cool for school. And if they don't like it, they can put the burner to their dome and pull the trigger six times then it's on to the next one. This has given me a lot of freedom onstage and in life.
So at The Comedy Store spot, I said some off the cuff jokes that killed more than my writtens and talked to the crowd in a way that kept them engaged.
It all comes down to beating that resistance, man. When I go onstage unaffected by any variables, completely outcome independent, I can't lose.
I'm making some good contacts in the wonderful world of TV writing and have gotten some votes of confidence from people who know what they're talking about. I'm also going to do a web series next year with my homie since high school and comedian extraordinaire, Terrence Smith. So I'm excited about that.
No gatekeepers, no waiting for the green light, just being an ass on camera with one of my best friends. We're going to make magic.
But with all that said, I feel a shift coming on, hence the quote at the top of the page. Everything around me is changing.
I've plateaued where I'm at now, so it's time to let the old me die to get to the new me, that can get a little farther. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I think that's the only way you're allowed to make progress in life. Like, if I want to hit six figures, I can't have the mindstate of a five figure earner anymore. If I want to be a headliner, I can't go about my craft like an open mic'er. I've already made those shifts mentally, but I think the only way we level up is when we are willing to fully and completely let our old selves die.
I've changed a lot the past 3 years, but I want a lot, so I gotta keep elevating.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore, so I think I'll close it out right here. I'm making a last minute trip to Vegas tomorrow to see my homie Justin Patterson do battle in his first televised pro MMA bout. Maybe I'll clear out my bank account and put it all on black at the Roulette table while I'm there.
When I get back you're going to see a lot more of me. I'm starting a Life The Rough Draft Vlog, so now people can see and hear me run my mouth, instead of just reading my rambling.
Peace and blessings